My Dearest Redneck Son
My Dearest Redneck Son;
I’m writing this real slow, because I know you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Marlin family that lived there took the house numbers when they moved so they would have to change their address.
The place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven’t seen them since.
The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days, and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send. Your Uncle Billy bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the big buttons on, so we had to cut them off. You can find them in the pockets.
Bubba locked the keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him tow hours to bet me and your Pa out.
You sister had a baby this morning. But I haven’t found out what it is yet, so I don’t know if you are an aunt or uncle. It’s the dangest thing, but the baby looks just like your oldest brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Bubba was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends, Cletus and Buford were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your favorite Aunt,
Mom
I’m writing this real slow, because I know you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Marlin family that lived there took the house numbers when they moved so they would have to change their address.
The place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven’t seen them since.
The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days, and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send. Your Uncle Billy bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the big buttons on, so we had to cut them off. You can find them in the pockets.
Bubba locked the keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him tow hours to bet me and your Pa out.
You sister had a baby this morning. But I haven’t found out what it is yet, so I don’t know if you are an aunt or uncle. It’s the dangest thing, but the baby looks just like your oldest brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Bubba was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends, Cletus and Buford were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your favorite Aunt,
Mom
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