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An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.

The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink; his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they’re just fine - they’re just used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?"

The old woman answers... "THE TEETH."

Broken Mower

A couple's mower was broken and wouldn't run.

The wife kept hinting to her husband that he should get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When her husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snip­ping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short lime and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments. When he returned, he handed her a toothbrush.

"When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."

The doctors say he will probably walk again but will always limp.

Valentine’s Day

A woman went to the mall to buy Valentine’s Day cards for her son and father. One store's 50-foot display had hundreds of cards. She muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have anything for ex-husbands." The clerk behind the counter answered, "Oh, yes, ma'am, we do, but they're in sporting goods."

"Really?" the woman asked.

"Yes, ma'am. They're called darts."

Bible Story

A father reading a Bible story to his your children, said, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.”

His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

A Guy From Wichita Falls

A guy from Wichita Falls dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life.

The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.

After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Wichitan is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.

The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"

The Wichitan, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Wichita Falls . Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Wichitan's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind.

Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees the Wichitan is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.

Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The Wichitan replies, "This is great! Just like April in Wichita Falls It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"

The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the Wichitan suffer. He makes the temperature plummet.

Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the Wichitan unhappy, the devil checks in on him.

He is again aghast at what he sees. The Wichitan is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.

"How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!? " screams the devil.

Jumping up and down, the Wichitan throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Cowboys won the SUPERBOWL!!!!

Chicken Little

A teacher read the story of “Chicken Little” to her first-grade class. She came to the part where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. “And so,” she read, “Chicken Little went to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’”

The teacher paused, and then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”

A little girl raised her hand and answered, “I think he said, ‘Holy shit! A talking chicken!’”