Refrigerator Magnets
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
An Angry Motorist
An angry motorist went back to a garage where he’s purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier. “Listen,” the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, “when I bought that battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months.”
“Sorry,” the garage owner apologized, “I didn’t think your car would last any longer than that.”
“Sorry,” the garage owner apologized, “I didn’t think your car would last any longer than that.”
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don’t think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?
Oh, No, No, we have carport and not need one.
I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I am always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: “Polish Remover”.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don’t think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?
Oh, No, No, we have carport and not need one.
I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I am always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: “Polish Remover”.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Bush, Einstein and Picasso
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.
And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?"
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in.
When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, "Well heck, I don’t know."
St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?"
Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?"
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.
And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?"
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in.
When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, "Well heck, I don’t know."
St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?"
Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?"
St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."
Monday, March 12, 2007
My Dearest Redneck Son
My Dearest Redneck Son;
I’m writing this real slow, because I know you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Marlin family that lived there took the house numbers when they moved so they would have to change their address.
The place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven’t seen them since.
The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days, and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send. Your Uncle Billy bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the big buttons on, so we had to cut them off. You can find them in the pockets.
Bubba locked the keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him tow hours to bet me and your Pa out.
You sister had a baby this morning. But I haven’t found out what it is yet, so I don’t know if you are an aunt or uncle. It’s the dangest thing, but the baby looks just like your oldest brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Bubba was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends, Cletus and Buford were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your favorite Aunt,
Mom
I’m writing this real slow, because I know you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Marlin family that lived there took the house numbers when they moved so they would have to change their address.
The place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven’t seen them since.
The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days, and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send. Your Uncle Billy bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the big buttons on, so we had to cut them off. You can find them in the pockets.
Bubba locked the keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him tow hours to bet me and your Pa out.
You sister had a baby this morning. But I haven’t found out what it is yet, so I don’t know if you are an aunt or uncle. It’s the dangest thing, but the baby looks just like your oldest brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Bubba was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends, Cletus and Buford were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your favorite Aunt,
Mom
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)